Words

19 Aug

How important are words in our lives?  I think that words are very important.  Some might say that words are meaningless and quote the old adage – “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt.”  I definitely do not agree with this old adage.

 Names do hurt.  I know this from personal experience.  When someone constantly calls you a name -you believe it.  When you constantly tell yourself something about yourself, you believe it – whether it is right or wrong.

I am very careful to never tell my son that he is a bad boy.  Instead, I tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and that I know he is a good, loving boy.  I’m attempting to instill in him a sense of confidence and to not ever make him think of himself as a bad boy.  He is not a bad boy.  He is the most special boy I have ever met.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately – much of it is self-help.  I am currently reading, “You can heal Your Life” by Louise L. Hay.  She begins her book with a very powerful statement – “What we think about ourselves becomes the truth for us”.

This has struck me as a very important affirmation.  If we tell our selves we are “fat” everyday even if we are not – then it will become the truth for us.  If we tell our children that they are bad everyday – they will internalize that and it will become the truth for them. 

I have been trying to say nice things to myself.  However, this is difficult.  Why is it so difficult for me to say nice things to myself?  Unfortunately, I’ve been spending the last 34 years telling myself that I’m not special and I’m not good enough.  This has become my truth.  I am sure that my friends and family would disagree with me and my brain knows that this is probably not true – but this is what I tell myself and this is what I feel about myself.  No wonder I ended up marrying a total sociopath!  The truth I told myself was that I wasn’t good enough for anyone else but him.  I was wrong. It took me years to learn that I was wrong and that these “words” I tell myself are not nice and hurtful.

The gentleman that just most recently touched my soul told me that he can’t date me because he is not good enough for me, that I can do better.  I know he means this.  He’s not just saying this to get rid of me. He’s not that type of person.   I have been devastated over this breakup because I know he is the most special man I have ever met.  Actually, I thought I wasn’t good enough for him.  How ironic is that?  The difference between he and I though, is that I go to therapy every week and we have been working on the things that I tell myself.  He, unfortunately, is not attending to these matters of his inner life. 

There is nothing I can do to change how he thinks of himself.  He needs to do that.  Just as I need to change my conversation with myself.   This conversation reminded me that in order to survive his grieving period, this post-breakup period, I need to speak nicely to myself as well.  Instead of saying that I’m a failure at relationships, that no one will ever love me because I am not special enough to be loved.  I must find some nice words to say about myself.  Something my sister or my friends would say.  Wow, this is hard.  Can you believe how difficult it is for me to find nice things to say about myself?

Ms. Hay says that “we are responsible for everything in our lives, the best and the worst.  Every thought we think is creating our future.  The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences.”  If you believe this, and I do, her statement  means we have complete control over our lives to make it the life we want.  We have the power to get the best life possible for ourselves.  If I have the power to do that with my words then I best be speaking nicely to myself and my son.  My journey of the soul is to make sure that my son and I have the best life possible.  If today is not the day we start talking nicely to ourselves, then when do we do it?

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