Falling in love with ….my running feet

23 Aug

I’m mom who lives in New York City who is always moving – hence citymammaonthe run.  However, it is not just that I am always moving – I absolutely love to run!  I fell in love with running a few years back when I was looking for a way to drop the last few of my baby pounds that I held onto and to escape my lonely marriage. I think most runners find running when they are looking to escape something.  The more I ran, the more I fell in love.  It was all I could think about. My eating, my sleeping and my social schedule began to be dictated by my new lover — running.  I even purchased a treadmill to be able to run when my son was sleeping or if there was inclement weather.  Well, like any new lover, running became suffocated.  I didn’t do anything but run and sooner rather than later, my right leg gave up on me.  I was only a few weeks away from the NYC marathon and had completed all of my long runs when my right leg and foot wouldn’t move.  It just wouldn’t go.  No matter how much I thought about making it work – it refused. 

Well, my body caught up with me.  All of that loneliness, all of that emotional pain that I was trying to escape concentrated into tiny knots along my right leg all the way down to the tiny ligaments and muscles in my foot.  I never really understood the connection between mind and body until the point when my body stopped working for me.  The one thing I knew was a sure way to escape my loneliness, that would give me some endorphins and make me stop thinking about my life, anger and saddness  – walked away from me.  My body told me that I had to stop and listen. 

 For a long time I felt like running rejected me.  I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong.  I felt like I was rejected by running and I was dwelling in my saddness.  During this time, I was able to connect with that saddness, release it and most recently I released some repressed anger. I have been working on releasing anger as it does not come from me naturally.  I’ve been writing my anger down and it has a profound impact on my ability to understand myself  and all of that pain that I couldn’t get out for so many years.

It  has been about 7 months since I was able to get my body to go the distance.  Today I did over 5 miles.  It was the longest run I have had since December.  It was like falling in love all over again.  I ran at dusk and saw New York City glimmering before me as I ran downtown along the east river.  I had a smile across my face.  I finally felt complete.  I am not a competive runner but inside me runs like one.  

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