I’m Sorry

2 Sep

Today I watched my son and his friend on a play date.  They attempted to play nicely together; however,  inevitably one little man would insult the other little man and you would hear ” YOUR NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE!”  A few moments later, one little man would give up on the silent treatment and hand over his beloved car – a signal to the other that the ice break was over.  Then they would gleefully continue to play together.  They were effectively able to “move-on” and get over whatever insult they had suffered at the hands of another.

This dance between the boys reminded me of something I”ve read in the holistic health books I have been reading.  They all indicate that in order to “let go” of someone that has hurt you – you need to forgive them.  While I am usually a very forgiving person and can let things roll off my back easily, I am unable to forgive my ex husband.  In fact, I hate him so much I rarely use his given name.  Instead, my inner circle all refer to him as “DB” (as in douchebag). 

I have been working on forgiving other people that have hurt and disappointed me as I know they didn’t mean to hurt me and that they are doing the best they can with the limited resources they have.  However, with respect to DB, I feel like he tortured me and hurt me in so many ways, all for sadistic purposes, that I can’t imagine myself ever forgiving him and wishing him well.  I believe he is a limited person – a person without a conscience – so he doesn’t really know any better.  Still, I can’t forgive what that man did to me.  Does this mean that I will never “let go?” of that relationship and the pain it caused me if I can’t forgive him?  I hope not.  I have done so much healing and work to get away from him, I don’t want to hold this last part of him in me.  I’d like to be able to forgive him for what he has done to me and my family (and continues to do to me) that I just don’t know if I will ever be able to be enlightened enough to forgive him and “let go.” Certainly, if I were to forgive him, it would not be like my son and his play date – I would not be able to continue to talk to him even if he did attempt to make a peace offering to me with a gift.

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