Learning to Be Direct in Relationships

13 Sep

One of the things I love about how I have evolved over the course of the last few years is that I have found that I am very direct with people in my lives.   This new found trait has been helpful at work – especially when dealing with people that report to me.  I tell them exactly what I expect from them and if I was disappointed in something they created.  This has also been helpful in my very young dating life.  I have been direct with each person that I dated . If I felt strongly for someone I have told the person directly.  In some instances I have been disappointed in their response but it was best for me to learn where I stood rather than be tortured wondering about it.  In many cases, it has been easy to end a casual dating relationship with being direct.  I usually just say – “this isn’t working for me.” 

Today, I had an experience that I will use in my dating life more frequently.  One of the men that I exchanged numbers with from the online dating service has been texting me for the last several days.   (I have realized that very few people in the dating world talk on the phone and rely upon texting to communicate.)  Today he asked me what I wanted out of the dating service.  I told him, I was looking for someone with integrity to spend my free time.  I asked him the same question – he basically summed up that he was looking for a “friend with benefits.”  Well, I thought it was pretty weird to be using a dating site to be looking for a friend with benefits but I was happy that he was one of the few people I’ve met in recent years that was direct and honest.  We both knew immediately from our responses that we weren’t fitting the other’s need.

I will be asking anyone else I communicate the same question.  I’m not going to be afraid of their answer as I may have been in my former life.


2 Responses to “Learning to Be Direct in Relationships”

  1. GG September 18, 2011 at 3:29 am #

    Just don’t forget, some may view your honesty as you being a biyatch! When it’s coming from a woman, they usually do. But I can see the benefits of the raw honesty. Let us know how it goes.

    • CityMama September 19, 2011 at 1:40 am #

      I was pretty honest and direct on both dates. Both men asked to see me again. We’ll see!

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