Placing My Focus to Be More Positive

17 Sep

Have you ever noticed that if you focus your thoughts on something, no matter how minor, like, let’s say an itchy spot on your body and bring your attention to it, it becomes even more itchy?  I find that my emotions are like that too.  If I place my focus on the feeling of loneliness, sadness and hopelessness  – each of these emotions grows in my inner life more than such emotions probably deserve or would normally exist if I didn’t give it that focus.

I have been trying to watch when my focus turns to these negative emotions and address them daily – but it is so difficult! 34+ years of thinking  a certain way makes me feel, at times, like it is impossible to change!  I was a raised in a household where the motto was “Expect the worse, hope for the best”… As a result of this daily mantra in my home, I lived my entire life expecting something bad was going to happen to me and hoping that it wouldn’t.  No wonder I was such an anxious child and adult!

I realized several years ago that this mantra is part of the reason I am so practiced in thinking negatively and I have been working for many years on trying to be a more positive person.  As a result, I try not to place my focus on negative thoughts about my life’s journey but instead I try to ascribe more positive meaning to the facts of my life.  This has been a very difficult practice – especially since negative expectations were ingrained in my consciouness since childhood.  I know that anxious edge I constantly felt in my core has lifted since I stopped thinking that I should “expect the worse”; however, ascribing more positive thoughts to my life’s reality has truly been a challenge. 

In observing my thoughts and practicing positive thinking, I noticed that I am have become satisfied with almost all aspects of my life now except one – my thoughts continue to be focused on my failure to find that special someone to enjoy my life with, wondering why I am unable to connect with that special someone, why have I failed in choosing the right person to spend my time with.   

I am curious as to why I have allowed this one small aspect (but maybe it is not so small) to impact me so greatly.  Why have I allowed this one aspect to take over my daily mood, my daily thoughts, my entire essence? Why is my focus placed on this one void – when I am so fulfilled in every other aspect?

Are we meant, as humans, to be partnered up with someone? Is this the only way we can feel totally fullfilled? Is there really such thing as a being “made” for someone – or is this just where we place our focus?  When I was married I used to tell myself I didn’t believe in any of those romantic notions – but now that I’ve been single for a long time – I think I only said that because I was disappointed in who I had chosen to be linked to for my entire life.  Now that I’m single – my focus is placed on wanting that romantic love and of feeling unfulfilled without it. 

In order to feel positive about being single and taking my focus away from the hopeless thoughts that I should “expect the worst” , i.e that I will never meet anyone special, that I will be single for the rest of my life, that I may never feel that love and emotional safety that I want so badly to feel from a partner – I have been working on focusing my thoughts on how great it is that this is the first time in my life that I am taking care of myself, working on building my self-confidence and working on finding the things in life that fulfill me (outside of a partner).  Most people aren’t given this opportunity and I was given it – I need to view this time as life’s gift to me.  I hope that placing my focus on these positive thoughts will quiet the feelings of loneliness and hopelessness and allow for a more positive view of this time in my life to take growth – just like that itchy spot.

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3 Responses to “Placing My Focus to Be More Positive”

  1. GG September 18, 2011 at 3:06 am #

    Well, it is natural to feel lonely and I think it is natural to want someone to spend your life with. But if u focus on the itch, it will become more itchy and u will eventually itch it, ie if you focus on the loneliness it will magnify. But if you fget about, it will go away and when you least expect it, you will find someone special because you are open and ready and without that feeling of lonliness which may just be holding you back.

    • CityMama September 19, 2011 at 1:42 am #

      I hope you are right. I was pretty nervous about my two dates. I think one went better than the other. I don’t think either of them gave me that physical connection that i had with the prior gentleman I dated but it was fun to get to know two different people in one weekend.

  2. Sue September 18, 2011 at 12:32 pm #

    that’s right…think positive for a positive outcome. 🙂

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