Relationships after Divorce

23 Sep

I’ve been divorced for over 1 year now and separated from my ex-husband for almost three years. In that time I have had experiences dating two very different men – both obviously were not the right people for me.  Now I’m trying the on-line dating thing and also keeping a look-out for a quality person in my day-to -day life (as many single women know a difficult task – where are all the good men?).   During all of this, I keep asking myself – what is the end game for me? 

Before I was married  the end game was MARRIAGE – FAMILY.    I’m still rebuilding myself after my attempt at a marriage nearly destroyed my spirit. I have a child from my prior marriage who I absolutely adore and love – So, I keep asking myself what is the end game for me in seeking out a relationship with a man at this point? Is it really marriage and building of a family?

While I was dating the prior gentleman he had hinted several times that he was interested in a future with me and my son.  I couldn’t picture having him join our life and our home in such a definitive way.  My son and I have been by ourselves  since he was an infant and allowing someone to join our family is a very serious decision for me.  Maybe this gentleman wasn’t the right person for me and that is why I couldn’t see building a life with him – but that experience has left me questioning myself as to what I’m seeking from another person.

I’ve known several people who were able to move on to another serious relationship (or even get ready to be married again) before their divorce was even final.  They even join their children together and have more children together. I think this is a beautiful and natural experience but I wonder – is this the experience for me?  

What I do know is that what I really want to experience before I could even consider another union with a man is to experience the ability to trust a man with my whole true self, with my emotional self and with my son. I want to be confident that when this man says he’ll take care of me – he means it and will be there for me in everyway a man should be there for a woman in his life.

The ability to trust a man is a start of a relationship for me – and that’s really all I know I want right now.

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