Celebrating My 25 Year Old Reproductive Organs

6 Oct

Today is my birthday.  I turn 35 – I’ve officially entered my mid-thirties.  I remember when my Dad turned 40 and we had an “over the hill” party for him.  I don’t believe I’m 5 years closer to being “over the hill” and I think I’m much younger than my dad was at 35 but we shall see as time does its cruel crawl to that “over the hill” milestone. 

The first real relationship I had after my divorce was with that certain gentleman that I told you about – who was 10 years younger than me.  He was the most beautiful looking man (or should I say boy-man) I thought (and still think)  I had ever laid my eyes on.  Me, so practiced in self-criticism, so very self-conscious of my age, harbored several insecurities that “everyone” could tell how much older I was than him when I was with him.  I also felt insecurities about how  he would find distaste in  my body that had delivered vaginally a 7 lb 7 oz little man.  My inner life would constantly be preoccupied with evaluating the supple body and skin of beautiful twenty-something year olds walking the streets of New York City that I believed this beautiful boy-man should have been dating. 

After our relationship ended,  I  wallowed daily in the thoughts that my beautiful boy-man may at any moment fall in love with some supple twenty-something year old who did not harbor the scars of delivering and carrying a child and he would think to himself what the hell was he thinking of sleeping with and spending time with such an old lady as myself? 

Luckily for me, these thoughts were  put to rest a few weeks after our break-up (sometime in July) at my annual check-up with my Gynecologist.  I have been seeing this certain Gynecologist since I moved back to the city so she was not the same Gynecologist that delivered my son (although the history of my childbirth was in her charts).  As she was doing my sonogram and physical checkup of my ovaries, she told me that my uterus and ovaries were in great shape for when I was ready to have a child.  So, I looked up over my feet hoisted in those stirrups and said “Dr. M – I delivered a child almost 4 years to the day”.   And she blushed and was quite understandably startled and proceeded to look more closely at my digital chart on her electronic device and profusely apologized for not reviewing it carefully before seeing me.  I said it was quite alright.  When she checked my age she told me she thought I looked  about 10 years younger than I was! 

At first I was startled that this Gynecologist could not tell from looking at my vagina that I had delivered a child vaginally – don’t we all get kind of messed up down there after pushing a baby out?  I was distracted and wondering if I should find a new Gynecologist.   A few hours later I realized that I needed to listen more closely to the message the universe was trying to send me – that this was not cause for alarm – this was cause for celebration!  There was no need for me to be caught up in how I looked “so old” or the “numbers” and to stop being distracted by thoughts that my “private parts” were not up to par with some young thing’s vagina! 

So today when I celebrate my birthday, I will toast to my “25 year old-vagina” and remember to feel more confident in my body and my skin the next time I expose myself to a man like that again.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: