Two Dates in 24 Hours – The Efficient Single Mom

10 Oct

My son was with his dad this weekend and I scheduled a date with each of Elevator Man and Mid-Western Boy to utilize my free time efficiently.   I am viewing these dates as an interesting social experimentation  since I have never dated two men at one time.  These men are different from each other as Night is to Day.  I find it odd that I am attracted to both and enjoyed the company of both men.  I found both of my dates with them to be “nice.” 

I guess that’s my issue – I assumed one of them would sort of naturally inch out ahead of the other when I had an opportunity to see both of them in less than 24 hours.  In the end,  I felt neither of them swept me off my feet at any point.  I’m wondering if it is because I already see the demise of a relationship with either of them before I even allow one to develop?  Is this my baggage talking or is it my gut instinct?  I think I have a pretty strong instinct now that all that crap that my ex-husband did to me to bury my instinct (and lots of other things about my essence) throughout our relationship, has cleared out of my inner life.  If one of these men were the right one for me – wouldn’t I feel swept off my feet and would want to see one over the other?  One of my biggest issues with both of them is that when I kiss either of them I don’t have the same powerful, physical chemical reaction that I had when Boy-Man kissed me.  When Boy-Man kissed me or even touched my arm or held my hand – it was like some type of chemical reaction was released within my body.  Now when I reflect on that chemical reaction (i.e. fireworks), I wonder if my mind created those fireworks because I romanticized Boy-Man and elevated our physical connection – or was our connection real?

These are the questions I have about dating.  How do you know when it is the right person for you?  All the happily married people  say – “you just know”.   I don’t know how much I believe them.  I married my ex-husband and I didn’t “know that he was the right person for me.”  I did it – for a lot of different reasons – all of which took years of therapy to discover.  

What I do know is the following:  Elevator Man is very much a person who has similar interests to me.  I thought Boy-Man was the only man in the world that loved books and reading as much as I do, dressed-well and enjoyed art and museums.  I was wrong – Elevator Man does too – in a more refined way than my Boy-Man.  In addition, Elevator Man wants to be in an intimate, exclusive relationship (well he says that, but we haven’t had sex yet, so I know from my experience, that sex changes everything about what a man decides what he wants from a woman), something he has expressed several times to me.  Finally, Elevator Man actively CALLS me , like on the old-fashion telephone – just to say hi and keep connected during the week when we don’t see each other.  I admire this quality the most – I thought using the actual phone and hearing someone’s voice was pretty archaic in the dating world – but it isn’t to Elevator Man and I’m happy about that.

I haven’t learned much from Mid-Western Boy yet.  He seems pretty guarded.  I do have fun with him. He is pretty funny.   I do think Mid-Western Boy realizes that we are very different from each other – he was quite uncomfortable when he arrived at my building yesterday afternoon and realized that he had to ask the concierge for permission to enter.  I had warned him as I had a feeling he did not have much exposure to NYC apartment buildings but when he arrived he became all flustered in the lobby and called me and asked me what he should do.  I told him to come right up but my diligent doorman stopped him anyway and called me to ask for permission to let him up.  He also told me he thought I was very interesting and then when I asked him to elaborate – he became all  quiet – strange for him as he is extremely chatty.   He does kiss me in a very nice, passionate way.  We walked the city holding hands – which he actually insisted upon as I had my hands in my pocket – he reached for it and pulled it next to him.  It was sweet.  He didn’t try to come up to my apartment after our date – which I respected.  Unlike Elevator Man – who was attempting to use his most charming negotiating skills to come up and continue our our date into Sunday morning from Saturday Night.

I don’t know what I want from either of Elevator Man or Mid-Western Boy but I do know that I’ve already learned a couple of things about dating through them and I am having fun — that’s what I set out to do.  So I will keep seeing both of them until I’m not learning or having fun anymore.

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