Learning to be Comfortable in the Uncertainty

12 Nov
Deepak Chopra in November 2006, speaking at Yahoo.

Image via Wikipedia

I have been trying so hard to work on my “power of now.”  However, I realized yesterday that I fell out of it.  It is so hard.  I have to start over, freshen up my mind and begin anew.  I have been dating Mid-Western Boy for several weeks now and I’m starting to get a little attached.  Of course, that leads to what will we do next week, next month, the holidays, why hasn’t he sent me two texts today, etc.

I’m a firm believer that relationships develop naturally – I felt like we were developing into something naturally, a missed good morning text yesterday – sent me on a rollercoaster ride during the day – which reminded me that I am not in the NOW. 

So, today, I need to figure out how to get me in the Now.  I don’t know what will happen with Mid-Western Boy.  Tonight may be the last night I see him or I might continue to date him for a few more weeks or a few more months. I just don’t know.  I need to remind myself that I have to remain in the NOW.  What will happen next week, next month or even tomorrow is not something I can control, I have to let destiny handle it and enjoy the ride.

When I was in the NOW, it was so much easier for me because I wasn’t anxious.  It is troubling me that I have become anxious about the whole communicating and seeing Mid-Western Boy.  I think much of the anxiety is that I have to plan around time with my son.  DB is so inconsistent with respect to when he sees my son.  He has already told me he is not taking him next Friday (my one weekend off this month) because he has something “to do.”   This of course, stresses me out because Mid-Western Boy is a medical student and doesn’t have much control over his schedule – so we have to make the time to see each other and I don’t like when routine or rhythm changes – it makes me unsettled.  I’m also concerned that he might think dating me is a lot of work because our schedules don’t conflict.  I have to remind myself that the right person in my life will understand my limited schedule and would want to continue to see me despite of it.

Deepak Chopra has said that we need to be comfortable in the uncertainty.  It is from the uncertainty that we can grow.  I am planning on downloading some Deepak meditations later today to help me get back on the path of the NOW and comfortable with the uncertainty of a nascent relationship.  

 Are all of these questions a result of my baggage from my unhealthy relationship with DB or is it normal?  If it is normal, I don’t want to be normal, I want to be in a relationship that there are no questions about where I stand, a relationship where I feel emotionally safe.

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