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Jelly Beans and Peeps

6 Apr
This is a picture i took for the Candy article.

This is a picture i took for the Candy article. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Isn’t it funny how food can bring comfort?  I’ve been having a rough week.  Running and I are still having issues and without running I feel like I’m on the brink of losing my sanity.  I was picking up a prescription medicine at the pharmacy earlier this week and I saw some Easter peeps and old fashion jelly beans (not jelly belly or starburst) on the shelf.  I picked them up and took a walk through midtown munching on them – trying to escape the office and my thoughts for just a few minutes.

As soon as I took a bite into the yellow peep, I had a rush of happiness.  My memories of Easter Sundays searching for eggs in my childhood home with my sister became so vivid – a rush of happiness ran through me. 

Spring is on the horizon and with its reminders of new beginnings, new life and hopefully better running days.

My Best Friend

31 Mar

My boyfriend, Running, and I have been having some difficulties in our relationship again lately.   While we’ve still been spending at least 3 days a week together and we are training for a half marathon in late spring, my right leg and foot have again been giving me issues on my runs.  My hamstring feels tight and my legs feel heavy during my runs.  My right foot even cramped several times.  I am now convinced that it is a result of a prescription medication that I am taking – – some of the side effects state that it impacts the electrolyte levels in your body.  I’m a bit disappointed but I know that I will need to take the medication for several weeks so that my health issue improves.  It’s hard because for me to have a bad run because spending time with Running has benefits to me in more ways than just enjoying time alone.   Running makes me feel empowered, strong, attractive and, of course, helps to relieve stress.  Not only does Running support me in so many ways but I also love looking forward to preparing myself to spend time with Running for a long race – like a half marathon distance.

While I’ve been a little frustrated because of this setback, I’ve consulted my new best friend, Foam Roller.  Foam Roller has helped release some of the tightness in my right leg before a run and has limited the right foot cramping.  I met Foam Roller during my break up with Running last year and Foam Roller hasn’t let me down since.  I’m hoping to do a long run today and I’m expecting to have Foam Roller address some of my problems with Running so that before I go out to spend time with Running again today – I feel a little less stressed.

2008 NYC Half Marathon

2008 NYC Half Marathon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My Boyfriend is back . . .

12 Oct

My boyfriend, Running, is totally back in my life. We have been on a break since January and I’ve been through a lot of Therapy to help me get back together with Running.  We started to see each other again in June and we took it very slow.  We only spent a few minutes together twice a week.  However, I am happy to report that we seem to be on a more regular routine now.   Last week we ran 7 miles twice! I was elated and overjoyed for days.  I love the high I get when I spend an hour with my boyfriend, Running, I love the way I feel when I get back from a run and have to stretch out my body.  When I spend time with Running I love the the way my body looks and I feel confident and strong.  I feel empowered.  Spending time with Running not only makes me feel good physically but also emotionally.  I am better able to resolve difficult decisions after I Run.   I’m also able to clear my head and sleep better at night.  I’ve missed Running so much – at times I would cry and even whine about it to my family and friends.  Now that we are back together I feel complete again.

 

These last few days I loved spending time outdoors  in New York City with my boyfriend, Running.  I was able to enjoy Central Park’s hidden running trails, a New York City sunrise over the east river and Indian summer.  I feel totally satisfied now that Running and I are back together again. 

I did tell Running that although I want to spend everyday Running I can only limit our contact for now to 3 days a week.  learned from our separation that other things are also good for me – like total body conditioning classes and Yoga.  I think it is more important that Running and I look forward to spending time together instead of seeing our intimate Runs as a chore or a quickie before going to the office.  So, for now I will savor my three days a week that I spend with my boyfriend Running. I will look forward to our Dates, I will try not to schedule anything with anyone else during the scheduled Dates I have planned to spend with Running and I will remain in the moment.  I plan not to think about what milestones Running and I may hit this year or next year or even next month – I will remain in the moment with Running for now and see where my body and life takes us.

The Little Observer Inside My Home

5 Sep

All mothers know that their children are little sponges.  They have amazing memories and remember details of many different things.  They can learn multiple languages easily (I missed the boat on that one , though).   I have been well aware that I have a little wide-eyed witness to every breakdown, every bad mood and every little thing I say in my home.  Sometimes I feel like a little video camera is recording my every move.  Sometimes you hear your own voice back at you – things you can’t believe you would say – and they are then repeated for all in a crowded elevator!  For example, one of my favorites was in a very crowded elevator in our apartment building.  Of course, there is polite elevator silence.  My son decides to ask: “Mommy I know you are tired, do you want to go home and take off all your clothes?”  I, of course, was mortified as I waited 14 floors for the elevator to arrive at our stop.  This impromptu announcement by my son was as a result of watching me on a daily basis come home and say “I’m so tired – I can’t wait to get out of this suit” (and then proceed to change into my  sweatpants)!

As a result of our life situation,  my son has visits with his dad (infrequently these days) and I  fear that my son will observe “bad qualities”  of hsi father (of which there are many!).   I have this fear because I know that my son wants so much to spend time with his father and adores him and really loves to model the male influences in his life.  Moreover, he is constantly drawing a dichotomy that I am a girl and he is a boy and that girls STINK! 

Sometimes my son naturally exhibits his father’s facial expressions. It almost always drives me nuts.  Nuts to the point that I want to lock him in his room!  You see, I hate his father.  His father is not a nice person and was a terrible husband.  He doesn’t even know how to be someone’s friend.   So, when my son is playing his diego videogame on leap frog and blows kisses in the air and says things like “Yeah, Ba-by!” I totally cringe and can’t really look at my son until the facial expressions have passed.

However, today the witness to my life made me very proud.  I have been trying to introduce healthier foods into our life.  I’ve been cooking more vegetarian/vegan-like meals and when we go out for the day, I usually pack some healthy foods for him and I so we don’t have to stop at a local vendor to grab something unhealthy. 

Today we decided to go for a bike ride on the East River promenade.  As I was getting ready for our ride, my son went into the kitchen and started to put together a snack pack for our ride.  He packed a banana, an apple, some nuts and some dried fruit (and some goldfish – leftovers from before I was trying to be  super healthy).  I was so proud of him.  He even filled my water bottle and his water bottle with fresh water.   All of this was done instinctively by him and was no prompted.

I know that he is a witness to all that I may not like about his father but watching him initiate this simple snack packing and at the same time verbally articulating  that he was packing “healthy foods” for our bike trip – gave me the confidence that he will continue to be witness to both the good and the bad – but hopefully will learn to choose the good stuff (despite the innate wicked facial expressions of his father) and grown into a good, kind, confident man.

Falling in love with ….my running feet

23 Aug

I’m mom who lives in New York City who is always moving – hence citymammaonthe run.  However, it is not just that I am always moving – I absolutely love to run!  I fell in love with running a few years back when I was looking for a way to drop the last few of my baby pounds that I held onto and to escape my lonely marriage. I think most runners find running when they are looking to escape something.  The more I ran, the more I fell in love.  It was all I could think about. My eating, my sleeping and my social schedule began to be dictated by my new lover — running.  I even purchased a treadmill to be able to run when my son was sleeping or if there was inclement weather.  Well, like any new lover, running became suffocated.  I didn’t do anything but run and sooner rather than later, my right leg gave up on me.  I was only a few weeks away from the NYC marathon and had completed all of my long runs when my right leg and foot wouldn’t move.  It just wouldn’t go.  No matter how much I thought about making it work – it refused. 

Well, my body caught up with me.  All of that loneliness, all of that emotional pain that I was trying to escape concentrated into tiny knots along my right leg all the way down to the tiny ligaments and muscles in my foot.  I never really understood the connection between mind and body until the point when my body stopped working for me.  The one thing I knew was a sure way to escape my loneliness, that would give me some endorphins and make me stop thinking about my life, anger and saddness  – walked away from me.  My body told me that I had to stop and listen. 

 For a long time I felt like running rejected me.  I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong.  I felt like I was rejected by running and I was dwelling in my saddness.  During this time, I was able to connect with that saddness, release it and most recently I released some repressed anger. I have been working on releasing anger as it does not come from me naturally.  I’ve been writing my anger down and it has a profound impact on my ability to understand myself  and all of that pain that I couldn’t get out for so many years.

It  has been about 7 months since I was able to get my body to go the distance.  Today I did over 5 miles.  It was the longest run I have had since December.  It was like falling in love all over again.  I ran at dusk and saw New York City glimmering before me as I ran downtown along the east river.  I had a smile across my face.  I finally felt complete.  I am not a competive runner but inside me runs like one.  

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