Tag Archives: Brown Eyed Girls

A Paradox: What DO Women want from Men?

15 Oct
40+216 Faces

Image by bark via Flickr

Elevator Man took me to a comedy club tonight.  Initially, I was dreading this date. I  thought – he’s really showing his age – this is so very 90’s and so touristy.  However, I believe that there was a reason I was to see this show with him: A) I learned that Elevator Man and I don’t have chemistry and B) I learned that I need to figure out what it is I want in a man. 

CHEMISTRY – If it’s not a “yes” than its a definite “no”

Elevator Man  thinks we do have chemistry. I think it’s because he’s a man and he wants to get into my bed – I guess that’s chemistry for him.  However, I don’t feel the chemistry – I don’t feel like I want to try him on in my bed.  He is attractive, smart and funny but I just don’t feel any chemistry – physical, emotional, or intellectual etc.  I have given it three dates – despite what my therapist recommends  (she wants me to give guys more dates to get to know them better) – I think by the third date I should be feeling like I want to kiss this guy, at the very least,  – and I don’t – I want to get home to my son.  My measurement of how much I like someone is how I’m feeling about getting back home to my son.  If I don’t realize the time – I’m into the guy; if I’m anxious to get home – I’m not into the guy.  I know this is not a scientific measurement but it never fails for me.   Thus, since I’m not thinking yes, I want to bring you back to my apartment but I’m following “THE RULES” – then it’s a no. 

Learning What I Want as  a Woman

Anyway, getting back to more imporant things regarding this date I learned something from  one of the comedians – he did a skit about how women are not clear about what they want.  I was hysterical.  I was hysterical because I related to his entire skit.  I am a paradox.

I want a man that is reliable, predictable, responsible and always there for me and at the same time I want that same man to be spontaneous and romantic.

I want a man that is dominant but not domineering.

I want a man that is a take control kind of guy but not controlling.

I want a man that is sexy, sensual, attractive social but faithful and loyal.

I want a man that is ambitious, successful and career oriented but has a lot of time for me and my son.

I want a man that is strong, manly and emotionally vulnerable and available.

I want a man that financially secure but is not materialistic.

I want a man that is funny but not a clown.

I want a man that is serious about me but not obsessive.

I want a man that is athletic but not obsessed with his appearance.

I want a man that is protective but not possessive.

The positions listed above do sound awfully in contradiction to each other.  I laughed throughout his whole routine because until I heard my thoughts spoken by someone else – I could’t help but laugh.  I can’t believe that I am one of those women who don’t know what she wants.  I’ve been through so much and I know I am ready to meet someone to learn about someone and let them in my life.  However, meeting a man that has all the things on the left balanced with all of the qualities on the right – might lead me nowhere.

Happily Married people are lucky!



My Boyfriend is back . . .

12 Oct

My boyfriend, Running, is totally back in my life. We have been on a break since January and I’ve been through a lot of Therapy to help me get back together with Running.  We started to see each other again in June and we took it very slow.  We only spent a few minutes together twice a week.  However, I am happy to report that we seem to be on a more regular routine now.   Last week we ran 7 miles twice! I was elated and overjoyed for days.  I love the high I get when I spend an hour with my boyfriend, Running, I love the way I feel when I get back from a run and have to stretch out my body.  When I spend time with Running I love the the way my body looks and I feel confident and strong.  I feel empowered.  Spending time with Running not only makes me feel good physically but also emotionally.  I am better able to resolve difficult decisions after I Run.   I’m also able to clear my head and sleep better at night.  I’ve missed Running so much – at times I would cry and even whine about it to my family and friends.  Now that we are back together I feel complete again.


These last few days I loved spending time outdoors  in New York City with my boyfriend, Running.  I was able to enjoy Central Park’s hidden running trails, a New York City sunrise over the east river and Indian summer.  I feel totally satisfied now that Running and I are back together again. 

I did tell Running that although I want to spend everyday Running I can only limit our contact for now to 3 days a week.  learned from our separation that other things are also good for me – like total body conditioning classes and Yoga.  I think it is more important that Running and I look forward to spending time together instead of seeing our intimate Runs as a chore or a quickie before going to the office.  So, for now I will savor my three days a week that I spend with my boyfriend Running. I will look forward to our Dates, I will try not to schedule anything with anyone else during the scheduled Dates I have planned to spend with Running and I will remain in the moment.  I plan not to think about what milestones Running and I may hit this year or next year or even next month – I will remain in the moment with Running for now and see where my body and life takes us.

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