Tag Archives: happiness

Peter Pan and Pixie Dust!

10 Apr
Tinker Bell and the Mysterious Winter Woods

Tinker Bell and the Mysterious Winter Woods (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are days I love being a single mom.  This past Easter Sunday was one of them.  My son has been into Peter Pan since we returned from Disney in October.  He saw Peter Pan during one of the productions and at Magic Kingdom he just related to this character so much!  We’ve read the original story of Peter Pan before bedtime and  watched the guest appearance of  Peter Pan on Jake and the Neverland Pirates last month. 

The Easter bunny left some chocolate for him in his Easter basket but the highlight this year for my little guy was not the chocolate bunny from Lindt or the Peanut Butter Easter eggs – it was a Peter Pan costume.  He immediately decided to put it on and act in full character for me.

Later that day we had dinner with family near the beach and my son and I went for a walk on the beach (with Mid-Western Boy, as well).  My little guy was dressed in his Peter Pan costume and was an amazing sight to see as he searched for treasure on the beach and threatened to fight Captain Hook (aka. Mid-Western Boy) with “one hand behind his back!” 

It’s his imagination and creativity that I love!  I try my best to nurture this part of him because I know at some point I lost my imagination and find it hard to create – I want my son to know the importance of being creative and thinking freely.  I know that it is as a single parent that I am able to do this…the man I was married to, whom I conceived this beautiful child with , also known as DB, would never permit this in his home.  In fact, his father has repeatedly asked  me why I allow my son to run around outside the  home in costume.  My son has also confided in me many times that when he is at his father’s house he cannot choose what to wear on his own – his father choose his clothes for him….

Allowing my son to dress himself and wear his costumes and act out his favorite characters, I believe, allows for the full development of this little person — without interference from me or anyone else (except for maybe correcting on manners and other social skills) and allows him to be free from judgement, negativity and helps develop his confidence.  Something, that I think an overbearing father, like DB, would not allow to have happened.

My only regret is that I didn’t bring my camera along to capture this very special afternoon!


Jelly Beans and Peeps

6 Apr
This is a picture i took for the Candy article.

This is a picture i took for the Candy article. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Isn’t it funny how food can bring comfort?  I’ve been having a rough week.  Running and I are still having issues and without running I feel like I’m on the brink of losing my sanity.  I was picking up a prescription medicine at the pharmacy earlier this week and I saw some Easter peeps and old fashion jelly beans (not jelly belly or starburst) on the shelf.  I picked them up and took a walk through midtown munching on them – trying to escape the office and my thoughts for just a few minutes.

As soon as I took a bite into the yellow peep, I had a rush of happiness.  My memories of Easter Sundays searching for eggs in my childhood home with my sister became so vivid – a rush of happiness ran through me. 

Spring is on the horizon and with its reminders of new beginnings, new life and hopefully better running days.

Persistence of Time

1 Feb
Old Post Office Pavillion clock tower

Image via Wikipedia

It has been a very long time since I’ve had a few minutes of time all to myself.  A few moments of time to gather my thoughts and write about city life and my son.  Time  to be creative and passionate.

I never realized how important this time to  myself was until I didn’t have a whole minute alone.  I always knew I was a person that liked to be by myself but I never realized how much I would crave solitude as I have over the past several months.

My son’s father hasn’t taken my son for an overnight visit for over one month now.  My days have been exclusively dedicated to spending time with my precious four year old son, who demands my attention, with screams and constant yells of “mommeeee!”  All of this time together has brought us closer together.  I wake up to my son calling out to me, we spend the morning commuting  to the office on the city bus doing puzzles or reading books.  I spend the day at my office working, negotiating and thinking about various issues that each day brings.  At the end of the day, I pick up my son from school and we spend the evening talking, eating dinner nd getting ready for bed.  All of My time is either spent at the office or doing something with my son.    If my son is cooperative in the evening and gets to bed at a decent hour, I can have a few minutes to myself to clean up the kitchen and pack up our food for lunch.  However, this is not my time.  this is what i call Family Time.  Just like cooking is Family Time.  It is an activity that is meant for the family to enjoy.

What I really want is a break – some time to myself; so I’m not rushing from work to the bus to the connecting bus and then home.

I have no one to blame but myself.  I wished for my son’s dad to fade out of our life.   And now it appears he is fading out.  I feared that the fading out would have a negative impact on my son because he was losing this male figure in his life.  His Dad. 

What I instead observe is that my son is better adjusted.  He listens to me, is not as aggressive and is very affectionate with me.  I don’t sense that underlying anger that my son seemed to have exhibited during the summer and early fall when he was seeing more of his father. 

Yes, I feel a sense of justice.  I feel that maybe my son will have a fighting chance at growing into a well balanced man if his father fades away into the background.  My son won’t have to learn to deal with the lies and manipulating thoughts he was infecting my son with during the latter part of last year.  Yes, I feel a sense of victory.  I only hope this fade away is consistent because the only thing consistent about DB is that he is inconsistent.

While I do feel a sense of victory, I feel that the battle has been devastating to the warrior (me).  I’m exhausted, I’m spent and I’m searching for time, time to be by myself, time for solitude and time for “being” instead of “doing.”   Maybe this is how all mothers feel at one point or another.  Even if it is how all mothers feel. . . I just don’t think it is acceptable. 

Last night I worked on building in time for solitude in my schedule.  I’m decided o begin with 15 minutes twice a week.  I’m going to deliberately unchain myself from my desk at the office and sit on the benches outside my office building. I’m not going to bring my blackberry or my iphone.  I’m not going to bring documents to review with me. 

I’m going to sit for 15 minutes and do nothing – twice a week.  The idea of it just relaxes me already.  Today will be my first day.  Wish me luck!

My Life has Gone Viral

30 Nov

 I haven’t written much about Mid-Western Boy and our relationship because I am really beginning to care for him and I don’t want to divulge too much about him or us on the worldwide web.  I’m quite interested in getting to really know him and I’m learning how sweet I think he really is.  So, this will be my last post about him and our relationship for sometime. 

I invited Mid-Western Boy to my family’s Big Fat Italian Thanksgiving.  I wasn’t sure what to expect since there was going to be a very long table and a lot of action.  He seemed to take it all in stride and remained comfortable.  I told many of my friends that this Big Fat Italian Thanksgiving can go really well or really bad.  I guess it went really well. Earlier this week Mid-Western Boy asked me to confirm our relationship for all 200+ of our friends on Facebook.  I never really thought of myself as announcing my relationship on Facebook – but here I am doing just that.  And it felt nice.  Like he was proud of me and wanted people to see me.  I think he did it in response to a discussion we had which made me feel really vulnerable (I revealed some information about DB and his not so nice treatment of me).  After revealing this information, I thought maybe Mid-Western Boy would want to run for cover thinking I came with so much baggage.  Instead, he comforted me by asking me to be his girlfriend – in a sweet but very modern way.   I met Mid-Western Boy using an online dating site, he asked me to be his girlfriend via Facebook and we have been texting with each other everyday to stay in touch when we don’t see each other.  It seems that maybe technology isnt’ so bad after all – it allowed me to meet someone special and learn about him at the same time. 

I am excited about this new beginning for me and anxious all at the same time.

My Love Affair with New York City continues . . .

29 Nov
New York Times Square New year celebrations in...

Image via Wikipedia

Earlier this month I wrote that New York City is Mayberry.  Well, I do believe it just might be.  It seems I keep attracting old friends back into my life.  Today, as I arrived to my office building, I looked up and saw an old friend’s younger brother in the lobby.  We both looked at each other –  is that really you?  It turns out he just started working for one of the law firms in my office building 3 weeks ago.  My building has 35 floors and it is amazing that we were in the same elevator bank.  It was great to see him and we plan to have lunch on Friday to catch up on the last 10 years or so!  While my friend’s brother lives in the suburbs of New York City, my friend now lives in Albany with his family and three children.  We lost touch at some point after college when he moved to Albany.  I am thrilled to reconnect with his brother and hopefully him as well! 

New York City is this great player in my life.  She just sits there and provides this  frenetic, gritty but at the same time  beautiful backdrop that I tend to lose myself in.  I was born and raised in this hard city and I haven’t really lived anywhere else in my life.  I used to think that was a strange thing about me – but now I think how can I live anywhere else?  No other city would offer me the same type of synchronicity that New York City has been giving me over the last few weeks.   I’ve learned to appreciate the random experiences that I have had in a city as large and energetic as New York.  I am more aware of the synchronicity that life can offer and that this syncronocity is even more special when it is experienced in a huge city like New York.   The more I look, the more I find that I am falling into a deeper love with this great city, this great player in my life –  a player I never really appreciated before.

The Thanksgiving Five: Family, Friends, Fun, Food and Football + Thankful for Opportunities

24 Nov

Today is my favorite day of the entire year!  It is a holiday that requires us to share my favorite thing in the whole world – food – and to be with the people we love most watching football! It doesn’t require buying any presents and trying to figure out if someone is going to like something  – all it requires is for us  to spend time with family doing my favorite thing – eating – and taking a moment to be thankful for all the wonderful things in life.  It is the most special of all of the holidays on our calendar because we get two days off from school and work!  No  other holiday has this type of street credit!

I am truly thankful for so many things in my life.  My journey began three years ago today when DB decided to stay out all night long and come home in a drunken/drugged stupor while I prepared a Thanksgiving feast for his family.  As a result, I canceled Thanksgiving dinner and went to my family’s home.  That day was a gift, although I didn’t know it at the time, a gift for a new life.

I have come so far since that day.  Thanksgiving  is a day that will always have so much meaning to me not only because it is the food event of the year but also because it was the first day I became alive after so many years of being emotionally numb at the hands of DB.  I will never forget that day and I will be ever grateful for the support of my family that I received when I showed up crying at their home at 11:00am with my infant son.

That day was a gift, an answer to my prayers.  That day gave me opportunity to make a choice.  A choice to leave an old life for a new life.   And as I reflect on that new life I have been living, I know that  I may not have had that opportunity to do all of it on my own if it wasn’t for  the most courageous people I know – my grandparents.  My grandparents brought their families to the United States seeking opportunity for a better life, a new life.  They left the only home they knew (their small towns) with their large families in tow and only a few personal belongings with a hope and a dream that they will find opportunity in the United States.  I am living proof of that dream of opportunity.  Like the original pilgrims my grandparents came to the United States seeking opportunity and on Thanksgiving day more than 40 years later I too sought a new opportunity for a better life that only the United States could provide a soon to be single mother – a mother with a dream.

 I have been granted opportunities that I am forever grateful for – namely my higher education and my profession.  I am thankful everyday for those opportunities because they allow me to pave the way for my son to have opportunities, I hope, that my grandparents may never have dreamed of the day they began their pilgrimage to the New World filled with hope.

Today I reflect on their pilgrimage and their hope and I am thankful for their dreams which in turn turned into opportunities and a life filled with hope, happiness and love for my son and I.

The Happiest Place on Earth

1 Nov
Cinderella Castle

Image via Wikipedia

Doing things that make you feel empowered as a mother is a gift that we as mothers should give to ourselves and our children.  As a single mother, I’ve learned to feel strong, independent and empowered by doing things that I would never have done by myself if I was in a traditional family with a partner.

Last week I took my son to Orlando, Florida to Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios.  It was my first travel expereince with my son without any friends or family members.  I was extremely anxious about traveling to unfamiliar airports and to an amusement park by myself with my son who has a tendency to run off as he is very independent.

All of my anxiety was for naught.  I am so happy that I took this trip with him and I wouldn’t have done it any other way.  It was so empowering for me as a mother to know that I can travel with my four year old son by myself!

We arrived in Orlando at noon and, of course, my son was so excited by his airplane trip that he was literally bouncing off the beds and walls of our hotel room.  I decided (without asking anyone else’s opinion) that we would nap before going to Magic Kingdom.  That was the best decision I could have made.  We took a late nap and went to Magic Kingdom in the afternoon (the park was open until midnight that first night) and we spent the later part of the day at Magic Kingdom and at Chef Mickey’s for dinner.  Asa  result, we were able to ride on all of the rides my son wanted to ride on without waiting in lines and he was able to stay up late to experience his first night in Disney.

He, of course, fell asleep in his stroller on the way back to the hotel but I was able to pick him up and close my stroller to get on the shuttle bus with little assistance.  I then put him into bed when we arrived at the hotel room.  I felt empowered that I could get through the next few days of this overstimulating and magical place by myself after this first wonderful night.

Disney was truly the happiest place on Earth!  My son did not give me one moment of grief during this trip. He held my hand, took pictures willingly (which is rare at this age) and did not nag for toys or gifts.  He ate his healthy meals (including New England Clam Chowder and Baked Salmon!) and even napped on each day in the park.  Due to the terrible weather on the east coast we were delayed getting back to New York – but he even behaved in the airport during the delays and fell asleep on the plane coming home.  I was able to carry him off the plane and grab my luggage and put him to bed myself once we arrived in New York City.

Upon waking up one morning in Disney, my son told me – “you’re a supermommy.”  This statement made by my son without any prompting was the greatest gift he could give me because I know I’ve taught him to appreciate the little things in life.  This trip was a fabulous experience for him – he told me “this is the most amazing thing of my life!” and for me, it was empowering to know that I can give my son the most “amazing thing” of his four year old life and I could do it all by myself.

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