Tag Archives: women

Working Mothers

11 Apr

I’ll never forget the day I left my son at day care when I first went back to work.  I knew I had no choice.  DB wasn’t going to support us in any real way nor was he interested in taking care of our newborn infant on a full-time basis (nor could he be trusted to do so).  It was a very difficult decision and one that I relented over for a very long time afterward – how I would be missing all of his growth and changes that occur so rapidly when they are that young. 

Of course, pain has subsided over the last 4-5 years but I will never forget the agony of leaving my infant and the anger I had at the US government for not supporting working families in a way that would allow a women to spend more time with her infant – even if unpaid – 12 weeks doesn’t seem to be enough time to bond with your baby when they just seem so small and helpless at just 3 months old – weighing at times less than 16 llbs!  What I learned is that many women are back in the office after 6 weeks for financial reasons – I can’t even imagine that!

Our country has so many problems but if we can ever clean up our current problems (like getting people employed, tax reform and saving the middle class from extinction), I would love to see our federal government sponsor some type of legislation that supports Working Mothers returning or not returning to work so soon after the birth of their children.

I saw this clip of iVillage’s Woman of the Week and I thought I should share it.  I think this women is a great role model for her daughter and for the Working Mother’s of Italy.  We are not all able to bring our children to work but she found a way to do it in the public eye raising awareness about the dilemmas of working mothers.

Here’s the link to the video – I can’t figure out how to actually embed the video here:

http://www.ivillage.com/ivillage-woman-week/1-j-392786?ice=iv:dailycandy:promoweek2

Peter Pan and Pixie Dust!

10 Apr
Tinker Bell and the Mysterious Winter Woods

Tinker Bell and the Mysterious Winter Woods (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There are days I love being a single mom.  This past Easter Sunday was one of them.  My son has been into Peter Pan since we returned from Disney in October.  He saw Peter Pan during one of the productions and at Magic Kingdom he just related to this character so much!  We’ve read the original story of Peter Pan before bedtime and  watched the guest appearance of  Peter Pan on Jake and the Neverland Pirates last month. 

The Easter bunny left some chocolate for him in his Easter basket but the highlight this year for my little guy was not the chocolate bunny from Lindt or the Peanut Butter Easter eggs – it was a Peter Pan costume.  He immediately decided to put it on and act in full character for me.

Later that day we had dinner with family near the beach and my son and I went for a walk on the beach (with Mid-Western Boy, as well).  My little guy was dressed in his Peter Pan costume and was an amazing sight to see as he searched for treasure on the beach and threatened to fight Captain Hook (aka. Mid-Western Boy) with “one hand behind his back!” 

It’s his imagination and creativity that I love!  I try my best to nurture this part of him because I know at some point I lost my imagination and find it hard to create – I want my son to know the importance of being creative and thinking freely.  I know that it is as a single parent that I am able to do this…the man I was married to, whom I conceived this beautiful child with , also known as DB, would never permit this in his home.  In fact, his father has repeatedly asked  me why I allow my son to run around outside the  home in costume.  My son has also confided in me many times that when he is at his father’s house he cannot choose what to wear on his own – his father choose his clothes for him….

Allowing my son to dress himself and wear his costumes and act out his favorite characters, I believe, allows for the full development of this little person — without interference from me or anyone else (except for maybe correcting on manners and other social skills) and allows him to be free from judgement, negativity and helps develop his confidence.  Something, that I think an overbearing father, like DB, would not allow to have happened.

My only regret is that I didn’t bring my camera along to capture this very special afternoon!

Jelly Beans and Peeps

6 Apr
This is a picture i took for the Candy article.

This is a picture i took for the Candy article. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Isn’t it funny how food can bring comfort?  I’ve been having a rough week.  Running and I are still having issues and without running I feel like I’m on the brink of losing my sanity.  I was picking up a prescription medicine at the pharmacy earlier this week and I saw some Easter peeps and old fashion jelly beans (not jelly belly or starburst) on the shelf.  I picked them up and took a walk through midtown munching on them – trying to escape the office and my thoughts for just a few minutes.

As soon as I took a bite into the yellow peep, I had a rush of happiness.  My memories of Easter Sundays searching for eggs in my childhood home with my sister became so vivid – a rush of happiness ran through me. 

Spring is on the horizon and with its reminders of new beginnings, new life and hopefully better running days.

My Wise Four Year Old

1 Apr

I was enjoying a little Saturday Morning Dance Party in our living room with my four year old son.  When we were done grooving to LMFAO‘s “I’m Sexy and I Know it” and Rock Party Anthem – I told him I loved spending time with him and that he really is a blessing in my life.  Then I impulsively asked him – “are we best friends, goose – goose?” 

He replied in his sweet little voice (I wish I can record it forever) – “Mommyyyyy, we can’t be best friends – You’re my mommy and I’m your son!”

My wise four year old.  He reminded me of my place in his life  – I am his parent and I don’t want to be his friend – I need to be his parent so he can grow into a well adjusted gentleman.

My Best Friend

31 Mar

My boyfriend, Running, and I have been having some difficulties in our relationship again lately.   While we’ve still been spending at least 3 days a week together and we are training for a half marathon in late spring, my right leg and foot have again been giving me issues on my runs.  My hamstring feels tight and my legs feel heavy during my runs.  My right foot even cramped several times.  I am now convinced that it is a result of a prescription medication that I am taking – – some of the side effects state that it impacts the electrolyte levels in your body.  I’m a bit disappointed but I know that I will need to take the medication for several weeks so that my health issue improves.  It’s hard because for me to have a bad run because spending time with Running has benefits to me in more ways than just enjoying time alone.   Running makes me feel empowered, strong, attractive and, of course, helps to relieve stress.  Not only does Running support me in so many ways but I also love looking forward to preparing myself to spend time with Running for a long race – like a half marathon distance.

While I’ve been a little frustrated because of this setback, I’ve consulted my new best friend, Foam Roller.  Foam Roller has helped release some of the tightness in my right leg before a run and has limited the right foot cramping.  I met Foam Roller during my break up with Running last year and Foam Roller hasn’t let me down since.  I’m hoping to do a long run today and I’m expecting to have Foam Roller address some of my problems with Running so that before I go out to spend time with Running again today – I feel a little less stressed.

2008 NYC Half Marathon

2008 NYC Half Marathon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Would you like Some Cheese with that Whine?

7 Dec

I don’t usually rant about being a single mother.  I know I have a great situation with a great kid.  I like being able to make decisions for the both of us with little involvement by his father.  However, lately, I’m feeling like my son is exhausting me and I wish I had someone else to help, to intervene.   I don’t know if it is him being a normal developing four year old or if I’m just literally exhausted from doing this on my own for his entire life.

ISSUE #1.  He has begun whining – a lot.  It is driving me crazy.  I don’t know how to deal with the whine.  He whines about anything of whiche he doesn’t get his way- his result.  He wants water when we are walking home from school, he wants to watch television while we are eating dinner, he wants to play with puzzles when it is time to go to bed.  He has never whined before and now it is incessant.  I give in. I think every parenting book probably says don’t give into this behavior but at the end of a long work day, I just don’t want to hear it!  I am not a saint.  I am exhausted too!  I sometimes feel like I had somebody to whine to after a long day.

 At the end of the day, I need quiet time to decompress.  This time of year, I need that quiet time even more than ever because of how busy I am at the office with end of the year projects.  In addition to the end of the year projects, we have Christmas and holiday stuff to prepare for – so when I’m not thinking about work, I’m thinking about Christmas presents and how I’m going to fit it all in (although most of my shopping is completed online).

ISSUE $2. He doesn’t listen.  I need to repeat myself several times for him to do something. Pick up your toys from the floor, put your coat on, we are leaving for school.  He deliberately ignores me and has already developed selective hearing.  I have bcome a nag to my four year old son and I can’t take hearing myself.  I just wonder if other parents have this same issue with their children?  I feel so alone in it and I don’t share much about it to anyone. 

ISSUE #3. Beating himself up or Manipulation? The other thing that is driving me nuts is that when I do lose my temper or raise my voice to discipline him, he throws a total crying fit.  His words are hurtful.  He says to me – “you don’ t love me mommy”, “you are not proude of me”, “I think I’m a bad guy” and “Someone should kill me I’m so destructive.”  Upon hearing this language, I immediately run to him and start holding him and kissing him telling him that Mommy loves him very much and thinks he is a good boy but just would like for him to listen to me better and control himself.  I kiss him and hold him and wait for him to stop crying.  I even start to tear up when he articulates these thoughts outloud.  I just wonder if he is trying to manipulate me and distract me from his behavior that I am trying to correct?

Last night I just wished I had someone else to tell him to listen to me.  I wish I had someone in the house to defend me – to help me – to be the bad guy for once.  I feel like I’m always the bad guy because I am the only one that disciplines him on a regular basis. He even told me I’m a bad guy because I yell at him!

What other choice do we have as a single mom?  I guess we just have to hope and pray that our kids turn out alright and they look back on their life and think about how lucky they were to have a mom  that sacrificed so much to give him the best possible life she could.

I think that’s a long time to wait for a return on this investment.  So, instead, last night I did what any frazzled mom would do, I turned on the television, went into the bathroom, lit a candle and took a warm bath by myself while he was occupied with Go, Diego, Go.  I did feel a bit better before our bedtime story.

My Life has Gone Viral

30 Nov

 I haven’t written much about Mid-Western Boy and our relationship because I am really beginning to care for him and I don’t want to divulge too much about him or us on the worldwide web.  I’m quite interested in getting to really know him and I’m learning how sweet I think he really is.  So, this will be my last post about him and our relationship for sometime. 

I invited Mid-Western Boy to my family’s Big Fat Italian Thanksgiving.  I wasn’t sure what to expect since there was going to be a very long table and a lot of action.  He seemed to take it all in stride and remained comfortable.  I told many of my friends that this Big Fat Italian Thanksgiving can go really well or really bad.  I guess it went really well. Earlier this week Mid-Western Boy asked me to confirm our relationship for all 200+ of our friends on Facebook.  I never really thought of myself as announcing my relationship on Facebook – but here I am doing just that.  And it felt nice.  Like he was proud of me and wanted people to see me.  I think he did it in response to a discussion we had which made me feel really vulnerable (I revealed some information about DB and his not so nice treatment of me).  After revealing this information, I thought maybe Mid-Western Boy would want to run for cover thinking I came with so much baggage.  Instead, he comforted me by asking me to be his girlfriend – in a sweet but very modern way.   I met Mid-Western Boy using an online dating site, he asked me to be his girlfriend via Facebook and we have been texting with each other everyday to stay in touch when we don’t see each other.  It seems that maybe technology isnt’ so bad after all – it allowed me to meet someone special and learn about him at the same time. 

I am excited about this new beginning for me and anxious all at the same time.

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